Emchap's Shit from the Internet 08/19/20 🍠

In what scientists are calling “a real 2020 move” my house has developed a house fly infestation, which has been an excitingly biblical turn for the year to take. I have no idea where they came from, and they unfortunately appear to be eating my food or the cat’s, and when I open the door to shoo them out they very rudely continue to hide behind my curtains. Sticky paper from the internet is on its way, and I cannot wait to take my vengeance on ‘em.

I have been very lucky during All Of This to keep my job and my house; all things considered, though I am very unhappy I am mostly insulated from the slings and arrows of This Fucking Guy. So it’s been weird to process that alongside the normal life inconveniences that crop up as part of being alive. The world is on fire in a sort of distant way but I have to deal with flies, or gallbladder surgery, or being dumped.

It is honestly a little relieving to have something specific to focus my ambient angerragegrief on, all things considered. I can’t do anything about the fires or the plague or the long-term ramifications of climate science being ignored for my entire childhood. But I can fuck up some flies so they leave the cat food alone. So, that’s what I’m going to do.

Shit to read

• I think—often, now—about how the body isn’t built for sustained stress.

• I know there’s no good option but truly why are we pretending like this is doing anything.

• Start to finish an Atlanta schadenfreude journey.

• A beautiful piece about Atlanta and Blackness and joy in the Oxford American. An ex-boyfriend of mine (twice over! youth!) lives near Krog Street Tunnel and I’ve made that left turn just so many times.

• White collar employment is often pretend.

• Tig Notaro!

• Sara Benincasa is on fire.

• The internet used to be good.

• Those fucking slideshows.

• Time and memory and Aztecs.

• Never have I ever been so glad to not share a fridge.

• It isn’t getting better.

• I mean.

Shit to eat

1. Order two cucumbers, assuming they will be normal sized.

2. Discover that you have in fact ordered two cucumbers that are each roughly the size of your forearm.

3. This is more cucumber than one woman can possibly use.

4. Rinse one off and cut it into chunks. Toss it in the blender. (Or the food processor, which is what I actually use.)

5. Hack a lime into quarters and toss it in. Don’t have a lime? I don’t know, use a lemon. It’s probably good.

6. Add a sprinkling of dried basil that you have lying around, and a teaspoon of dry ginger.

7. Take a half cup of sugar plus two tablespoons more. Use raw sugar if you’re feeling fancy and/or are running out of regular kind.

8. And in goes a cup of water!

9. Will it blend? (It will, cucumbers are mostly water.)

10. Pour the results into a fine mesh sieve over a bowl. One more dish but much easier to do than trying to drain into a funnel.

11. Toss the solid part and add a cup of water to the remaining liquid.

12. Pour over ice and enjoy. Add tequila if you want, I don’t know your life.

(Adapted from A Pinch of Yum’s Cucumber Agua Fresca recipe.)

Shit to listen to

• Sufjan electronica.

• The opening joke of this very old Sesame Street sketch made me laugh very hard at work. Who does not want to yell “you are a terrible mirror!” sometimes?

• This Phoebe Bridgers/Courtney Barnett cover of “Everything is Free,” one of my favorite songs, is just fucking phenomenal.

Shit to buy

• I’m waiting for my cooling towel to get here. Fuck a heat wave.