Emchap's Shit from the Internet 01/12/22 🍠
Yesterday I was chatting with my boyfriend about blueberry picking, as one does. I asked if he’d gone berry picking in the summer, he said yes, I nodded at this rare shared childhood experience (each of us thinks the other’s childhood was wild, because he grew up in Alaska and I did not), and was all set to press play on the garbage TV we were watching when he said, out of nowhere, “there’s always a risk of bears, though.”
“What,” said I.
“Bears! They’re omnivorous!”
I know this about bears, of course, as a former Animal Kid. That was not my point of confusion. Why, I asked, were there bears at the berry farm. He stared at me. I stared at him.
“What the fuck is a berry farm?”
It was revealed upon further probing that what I thought was a shared childhood experience was, in fact, not so much. When we picked berries as children, we’d drive out to some farm that did a pick-your-own thing where parents bring their small children to do agricultural labor, poorly, and then pay the farmers for the berries that they’ve picked. When he picked berries as a child, he and his family would take a six-wheeler ATV up the side of a large hill/small mountain and pick them from wild bushes. The had a whole tool for it and everything. And because they were in the Alaskan woods, sometimes a bear would come to investigate, at which point I guess they just left, what else are you going to do when a bear shows up.
He was baffled that one would pay for blueberries. I maintain that that’s the no-bears fee.
Shit to read
Get rid of menu calorie counts; they are useless and awful.
This is the sweetest thing I have ever read in my life.
Shit to eat
Take a pound of shrimp. Ideally you won’t do what I do and fuck up and buy shelled shrimp, but I did, so step 0 is thaw and peel and devein the monsters.
Toss them in a dish with a teaspoon of your favorite warm spice mix, a glob of honey, a teaspoon of soy salt, a teaspoon of powdered garlic, and some salt.
Add a lime’s worth of juice.
Stir stir stir, pop in the fridge.
Make rice. I used a rice cooker, you do you.
Drain two cans of black beans and dump them, with some oil, in a pot over medium. Put in a teaspoon or two of your favorite spice blend. Go wild.
Let them cook down.
While they’re doing that, get a can of pineapple, drain it into a glass (fun bonus bev!), and toss it in a bowl. Add a chopped up red onion, some salt, the juice of a lime, and a torn-up handful of cilantro.
Stir it up and great, now you have salsa. Adjust salt.
Set a pan to medium, add a bit of oil, and cook some shrimp. This part is always fun.
Put some rice in a bowl, top with beans, add some salsa, and top with shrimp. Dinner!
(Adapted from Budget Bytes’ chili lime shrimp bowls.)
Shit to watch
Everyone watch Fundie Fridays talk about the Duggars.
Shit to buy
I am cracking up at these goat slippers.