Emchap's Shit from the Internet 7/26/17 🍠
Earlier this week, my company received a bevi for our office kitchen. A bevi—for those of you who don't work at tech companies in the Financial District—is a machine that looks like it should sell iPods in the airport and which instead spits out lightly flavored waters.
It defaults to flat, an option no one wants, and it has a touchscreen that is at approximately hip height for most of our engineering staff. The office coos over it like it is a baby because we are really into seltzer, and also because our building doesn't let us have pets in the office and so we've sort of adopted this instead. It's like an office roomba.
Today I discovered that the touch screen in the front of our new machine is basically just a cheap Android tablet running Lollipop, and with god as my witness I am going to find a way to do something interesting with that knowledge once I stop being entranced by the bubble animation on the front of it.
(People keep shouting at it to see if it will make them water when they do. It doesn't yet. One day.)
Shit to read
Let us revisit A Day in the Life of the Dopeass Tea Wizard, one of the more divisive things I have loved.
This article on how we use foster care and CPS to punish poor mothers is viscerally horrifying.
My dad for some reason ignored my recommendation to see Baby Driver and instead saw Valerian last week, which irritated me as someone who basically unhealthily conflates "willingness to consume the things I recommend" and "love," so reading this brutal review of Valerian brought me a bit of spiteful joy.
I love love love this teddy bless column on overcoming belief in one's own unworthiness.
I stole this from the Toast up above, but this tour of one man's relationship with gin is so lovely and melancholic and great.
Shit to eat
Pour a can of beans with some of the liquid into a pot
Add a quarter cup of rice
Put it over medium-low heat
Add a tablespoon of cumin and one of some sort of red pepper and then say "fuck it" and add a bunch of Adobo because really what's needed is salt and the beans are inexplicably bitter
Let everything simmer with a lid half-on for a half-hour or so
Add some water in the middle there if needed
Once the rice is cooked, the food is done; put it in a bowl and maybe add a bunch of cheese and cilantro to it, or some sausage if you eat it, or whatever's around. I don't know your life; maybe there's a paloma what needs drinking
Leave the leftovers guiltily in your fridge for three days until you finally have a night off from social engagements; debate eating the rice like you know you ought to before deciding that tonight is a night to go eat a crepe instead because life short and the last few weeks have been sad and the sun is still out
Shit to listen to
I am straight up going to make some frosé tonight and listen to the new Lana album in my house tonight and it is going to be fucking rad.
Shit to buy
This "qualified as fuck" t-shirt brings me great joy
So does this vaguely psychedelic print of cats
Jasmine is the best smell; buy a candle of it