Emchap’s Shit from the Internet 7/25/18 🍠
I have terrible teeth. Despite decent hygiene and lifelong access to good dental care, I can count the number of times I've gone to the dentist without a cavity as an adult on one hand. I rolled the genetic dice, I lost, my teeth are made of wadded up tissue paper shoved into my tooth sockets by a malevolent god.
I was stewing on this today as I had four (four!) cavities filled due to either a greedy or over-cautious new dentist.
(It was $600 after insurance. Dental insurance is a scam. I hate teeth.)
The whole process somehow took two hours, and the dental hygienist kept pinching my lip into my teeth, and I was vaguely shamed for not being able to keep my mouth open the whole time. (Which, of all the people in my life who I've disappointed with that particular failing, the dentist is certainly the one I like the least.) Afterwards, I was vaguely shaky and the entire top of my mouth and sides of my cheeks were paralyzed.
(They still are, two hours later, as I learned while trying to eat a trader joe's s'more that I bought myself as a treat only to drop it out of my mouth and onto my lap, like a sad labrador retriever.)
But! As I was walking from the dentist over to Trader Joe's, I saw some beautiful homes painted in a 1990s Miami color scheme, and some lush trees, and various patios with people enjoying the cooler evening weather. Even annoyed and with a messed up face, I like it here, very much.
Shit to read
Bees building flower nests!
I read this cat-themed personal finance book this weekend, and it's great, and you should also read it. (I met the author when we spoke at the same conference last year, and her talk was one of my favorites of the whole conference, and included the only "what to do with your money, in order" chart that I have ever understood.)
I'm deeply biased because the author is my aunt, but I love this vision for what galleries can be.
Spoilers for Eighth Grade (a movie I saw and lost my shit over, everyone go see it) but I think this article does a good job of explaining why a scene of sexual menace in the film is so impactful.
Benzos are probably bad.
It is truly astounding how bad the experiences of the average woman who dates men are! (The piece is impactful and includes a graphic description of sexual assault, so, go warned.)
I'll just read whatever Helen Rosner writes, at this point, particularly if it's about my current city's most impactful food critic. (Guys the food in LA is so good.)
This Ask Polly made me actively gasp at how completely it described what I need from my partners.
Catherine Cohen is goddamn hysterical and apparently she's 26, jfc, and you should go read this profile and this song (with a chorus of "boys never wanted to kiss me/so now I do comedy") is such an accurate read of my brokenness that it pains me. (It's a spiritual twin to "You Stupid Bitch.")
Shit to eat
Get six club crackers.
Cut six slices out of a cucumber.
Put two tablespoons of ricotta in the middle of the plate.
Arrange it artfully.
Sprinkle garlic powder on the cucumbers.
Put salt on the cucumbers and the cheese.
Put pepper on the cheese.
Look, what gets the seasoning is very important in my head.
Make six tiny open faced sandwiches, using the cucumber slices to put the cheese on the crackers.
Enjoy at 10:30 in the morning while avoiding checking your email.
Shit to listen to
Make dinner and pour some wine and listen to some Madeleine Peyroux.
Shit to buy
Nothing, UGH, I'm trying to stick to a budget like an adult and it's hard. Why can't money be infinite.
My consulting services. (I do process consulting; I can make you more efficient and teach you some fun and non-goofy tech tools to help.)
I am obsessed with the idea of the magic bag as someone who's been sleeping with a frozen water bottle wrapped in a towel. (It's so hot here.)