Emchap's Shit from the Internet 6/28/2017
GUYS my BEACH CAFTAN arrived today. I am very excited. I would show you a picture but I'm not wearing pants in the one that I took and it's a Fun and Flirty length so there will be none of that, thank you.
I potentially have a date next week with a man who writes code for the New York public library system, which is very #onbrand, and when I described that situation to a somewhat crotchety coworker, ending with "god is good," I got back: "To him or to you?" Which is either flattery or a burn of the highest order; I cannot tell.
Did you know that there are folks using #ramadone for their Eid hashtag? Because I didn't until this weekend, and I keep remembering it, and I am pleased anew.
Shit to read
What if Tennessee Williams plays had air conditioning? I miss Mallory Ortberg every single day.
I watched The Keepers a few weeks ago, which is a true crime show about a lot of things including systemic sexual abuse of girls by the Catholic church, and this is about systemic sexual abuse of girls by a Protestant preacher, it is compelling, everything is garbage.
Yo, can we talk about what the fuck happened with Laci Green? I am literally never going to tire of this, it is completely bonkers.
All of my trains are broken because there are too many people.
Shit to eat
Boil about half a box of pasta according to the pasta's directions; I'm not your mom, go al dente or not as is your preference.
Seriously it doesn't matter what kind of pasta, they are all the same.
Rinse that shit off in the colander you stole back from your dad when you moved.
Dump it into a large bowl (the only mixing bowl you own, purchased for you by your mother; it seems somewhat disloyal to buy another one).
Toss in a container of the basil and tomato feta that you purchased because it was inexplicably cheaper than the regular kind.
Toss in a can of drained chickpeas, remembering only after you've dumped the liquid that you wanted to try to make a vegan meringue with it.
Glug of olive oil, salt, pepper.
Toss it around with one of the two wooden spoons you own.
Remember you have a bell pepper, half-assedly chop it up and toss it in as well.
Stir again.
Eat for the next seven meals, parked in front of a box fan, paired with a Vintage brand seltzer and King of the Hill episodes that someone uploaded to YouTube.
Shit to listen to
This song includes the perfect line "I can't get you off of my mind/I can't get you off in general".
Shit to buy
Superpower, a tiki bar near me, has strong drinks and a veggie banh mi sausage thing that you should purchase if you're in a situation where you can.
I ordered this dress and it just arrived and it makes me look like a sexy business magnate, recommend.
I want a bread machine.
And a good umbrella.