Emchap’s Shit from the Internet 6/20/18 🍠
I was trying to think of what to write about today and couldn't come up with anything. This last week is a blank wall of existential horror, so.
But a funny thing did happen to me today that y'all might enjoy: Today my sister sent me shots from a boudoir photographer who I might want to do a shoot with (she does super cool work, primarily with fat bodies, check it out) and I had to inform her that though I appreciated the rec I had actually just this morning booked a shot with a different photographer. (A friend is coming with me! It's gonna be great and I am 100% going to hang the weird cheesecake photos of me around my apartment and make visitors uncomfortable.)
It should be said that my brand is nothing if not consistent.
I've been having a weird few weeks, self-image wise. I'm tremendously, tremendously vain (most of what I want out of the world is for my baked goods to turn out and to be told that I'm pretty) but I'm loathe to do anything to make that more likely to happen most of the time.
Part of this was brought on by going to a physical, where I got to suffer all the small indignities of an overweight woman pursuing healthcare despite being—at least according to my it-took-an-hour-to-find-a-vein blood and whoops-I'm-dehyrdrated urine—in decent health. Part of it is having to contend with California summer when my wardrobe isn't entirely suited to it and I'm sort of tired of many of my clothes as it stands. Part of it is the emotional come-down of returning from having been at home, which was a more emotionally intense trip than it sometimes is (and it's always at least somewhat intense).
But! I'm trying to have fun with it. Some nice women in Echo Park are going to take photos of me and my friend after making us cuter than we already are (which is very cute). I finally bit the bullet and bought a Groupon for laser hair removal so someone can deal with my whole chin Situation since doctors don't know what's up there. (Being descended from Eastern Europeans is what's up there.) I bought some sundresses and a denim skirt and a Rosie the Riveter-style denim jumpsuit. I'm doing yoga videos so that in this, the worst timeline, I can pry my shoulders down from around my ears. I'm slumping on as best as I can.
Shit to read
This is a fascinating read about community moderation to filter out pro-ED content on various social networks, but I wish the author had done more with the (correct) idea that part of why it's pretty hard to programmatically do that monitoring is because much of our socially-acceptable diet/fitness content is the exact same disordered shit, just at a lower intensity.
Have an article about plus-sized fashion.
I love this comic about online RP boards (starting with Neopets) more than there are words; this is so very much my own childhood.
Check out this article about Sally Hemmings and the difficulties of curating a respectful narrative when someone is both a figurehead and a person who operated in a particular context.
I will read anything about quiver full daughters.
Janelle Monáe says good things in this interview and wears some beautiful clothes.
I do not understand why an even moderately progressive person would be a member of the Southern Baptist church at this point (my profoundly uncharitable opinion is that it is a bad institution that deserves to wither and die through membership dropoff), but enjoyed this article about attempts to change it from within.
Hooters is a mystery to me, so I enjoyed this breakdown of the breastaurant concept.
This article on Queer Eye and faith is profoundly worth a read.
Choose Your Own Disaster is a choose your own adventure-type memoir, and I am really enjoying both the conceit and the book.
Shit to eat
Accidentally order six zucchini when you meant to have one.
Cook some of them into fritters.
Notice that you have two left, and they are sad and limp and need to go.
Grate them up. Use a food processor; if you only have a box grater throw them away and go with god.
Preheat your oven to 350 degrees.
In a bowl, mix together 2 cups of flour, a cup of sugar, a teaspoon and a half of baking powder and half a teaspoon of baking soda, and a teaspoon of salt.
Empty the zucchini out somewhere and use the food processor and a non-chopping blade to mix together some lemon zest and juice, 3/4 cup soy milk (or regular, whatever), half a cup of olive oil, and two eggs.
Add the wet to the dry and then fold in the zucchini.
Grease a loaf pan and drop the bater in. Cook for 50 minutes if your oven runs hot, or 60 if it runs cold. It's done when a knife in the middle comes out clean.
Eat this, toasted, for breakfast for the rest of the week and remain slightly cheered that you displayed Thrift, sort of.
Adapted from Bittman's zucchini bread recipe in How To Bake Everything; he uses less zucchini and orange zest in place of the lemon, uses regular milk instead of soy, and adds pecans.
Shit to listen to
Hannah Gadsby, and Australian comic, had released a standup special on Netflix called Nanette, and it is astounding and furious. This is an interview with her that's worth reading once you've seen it.
Shit to buy
Today I bought this jumpsuit, this skirt, and this dress. You can use EMILYCHAPMAN57 at checkout and you get $35 off and free shipping, if you haven't used them before. (I get $25 if you do but as evidenced above I spend buckets of money with them regardless, so it's a genuine recommendation.)
Go pay some nice person to take pinup photos of you. Life is short, we live just the once (probably).