Emchap's Shit from the Internet 5/23/18 🍠
There's a coffee shop near my house that I enjoy. Like all the coffee shops I enjoy, everything in it is slightly broken, and the furniture is very comfortable. I can't tell good coffee from bad and my legs fall asleep on angular stools, so I'm happy to trade a Chic Coffee Experience for some place where you can park on a busted rec room couch for five hours.
So, this morning I wandered down to the coffee shop, intending to work for a few hours, meet a friend there, and then finish the afternoon at home. When I arrived, I ordered a breakfast sandwich on sourdough. The coffeeshop was out of sourdough. The coffee shop was out of, in fact, all of the bread options except croissants and bagels.
(It's LA, the bagels are terrible.)
But that was fine! I ordered on a toasted croissant, and the fact that the shop was also out of turkey didn't matter to my mostly-vegetarian self. Eventually my coffee and expensive breakfast croissant showed up at my table.
While I was waiting for my friend, four separate dogs and one woman on roller skates showed up as customers. The last dog and the roller skate woman overlapped, which came to my attention when the dog lost its entire goddamn mind at the roller skater. The roller skater was getting up to ask where the milk for the coffee was (hidden, behind the counter, in a fridge). She was offered almond milk, which she accepted, only to have this bargained down to coconut milk or soy. (They were out of almond.)
Eventually my friend showed up, and decided to order a smoothie. The barista informed him that she couldn't make any of the smoothies except the berry one. He said that was fine. She wandered away for a few minutes to do... something, and when she came back I ordered a refill on my coffee. The barista said that she could not make me a coffee, because their grinder was broken. (What happened between my first order and this one remains a mystery.)
A man with a Terry Richardson mustache was standing behind me at this point. "You don't have... coffee?" asked 2018 Terry Richardson.
"No."
My favorite part of the whole thing was that the waitress (who was otherwise nice, if not great at her job) at no point expressed sympathy or offered much of an explanation about what had gone so terribly, terribly wrong at the coffee shop. It remains a mystery.
For many more reasonable people than me, this would probably be the end of the coffee shop patronage. But, the only other cafe on the block is twice as expensive, and the chairs are metal. As someone who strives to #knowmyself, I can guarantee I will continue to be a patron of my place until it inevitably goes out of business due to profound mismanagement or a failed health inspection.
Shit to read
New Girl ended! I loved this piece on Winston Bishop and how the writers figured out what to do with him as a great and weird character, and how they played around with the rule that you can only have one black person in a sitcom ensemble. New Girl is a great multi-season sitcom and is worth rewatching next time you're tempted to watch something from the 90s that will only disappoint you.
This piece on continuing to have to live your life during grief is great and sad.
Do you like trains? Do you like historical pissing matches between companies that have real ramifications on current transit infrastructure? Then read this.
TIL it's the Australians who are responsible for plastic money.
A woman went for a jog, found and abandoned baby, and connected with him decades later.
Birds of paradise are coming for vantablack's money.
A small comic about how children are monsters.
The collapse of Theranos is always FASCINATING to me. This one features some particularly funny, childish behavior from engineers.
A friend who knows me very, very well sent me this article on a mentally ill programmer who has written an OS to talk to God, and it is profoundly moving and sad. (CW on a racial slur that's in there.)
Shit to eat
Buy a bargain bag of frozen fish at your local grocery store. I went with catfish, but you do you.
Is some asparagus on sale? Great, grab some.
Preheat the oven to 425, and pop a frozen fillet in a bowl of water to thaw.
After 20 minutes or so, open the plastic on the fillet and drop it on an oiled baking sheet. Add some washed and trimmed asparagus.
Cover everything in olive oil. Flip the fish and cover the other side.
Put some spices on the fish. I have had success with a combo of paprika, chili powder, salt, pepper, thyme, garlic powder, and onion powder. Flip the fish and do it on both sides.
Salt and pepper on the asparagus.
In the oven it goes. Aim for somewhere between 20 and 25 minutes. If you, like me, are paranoid about undercooked fish err on the longer side.
Once the timer goes off, chow down and feel vaguely virtuous about making a meal that looks like a Mormon mom blogger might have put it together.
Shit to listen to
I had totally forgotten about "West Coast" until the coffee shop put it on, and man, it's still a jam.
Shit to buy
I just ordered this jumpsuit and I'm super excited. Super jazzed for summer of linen.
Also caftans.
And art.