Emchap's Shit from the Internet 5/10/17 🍠
I went on a real weird date last night and I can't figure out if I want to go out with the dude again and oh my god being a person is garbage also like don't grab my hand while I'm gesturing I will flail like a tiny trapped bird and no one's manicure is nice enough to warrant interrupting their story to comment on it while they stare at you like a freaked out bird.
I may still go out with him again. New York is weird.
Shit to read
This Ask Polly column about shitty ex-friends hit home for me, who is a fire person in her entire soul. "I get that it’s difficult. I consider myself a confrontational person, but I realized recently that once I decide someone is either very chill (or is trying very hard to be chill!), or (ironically) very quick to anger, I bite my tongue. I have trouble being honest with queen-bee types in particular. I am a natural worker bee, compulsively committed to serving the nearest queen," was a fundamental "it me."
Some people are terrible and some of those terrible people are women. You don't have to like them. I've been trying to be more honest with myself recently about not liking people! It's very freeing!
Do you read Bitches Gotta Eat? If you don't, you should, it's amazing. Start with Block People and Pretend They Died ie my relationship to all my exes.
Weird internet sex shit is hella my thing so please enjoy this article about sprained ankle fetishists.
Shit to eat
Preheat your oven to 350.
Buy some apples because they're $3 for a bag and even though you don't like them you feel like you should be eating more fruit for Health.
Get a weird dull knife that you regret moving with you from Atlanta. Carve out the centers of each of the apples and make a little well.
Take a quarter cup of brown sugar and a quarter cup of oats and some cinnamon and mix it together.
Remember that you have some toasted almonds from the blueberry dutch baby you made over the weekend. Toss some of that shit in because what else are you going to use it in.
Stack the apples one against the other in an 8x8 pan.
Fill the wells with your stuff mixture.
Pour a cup of water into the pan.
Cover the top of the pan with foil. Pop that shit into the oven for 20 minutes.
Drink a campari and soda. Half and half is a decent ratio.
Take the foil off, and leave the pan in the oven for 10 minutes.
Take that out, put an apple into a bowl, and have yourself a dessert.
Shit to listen to
This has been a hella-weird-bad week and it's only Wednesday! I'll be hunkering and listening to Watsky until that clears up, emotionally.
Shit to buy
Guys I bought a really stupid nice robe it's so good. They're running a 20% off coupon promo for Mother's Day, get on the robe game. The packaging is great. It's the nicest item I own.
Or get this one.
I own the pajamas that match this robe yes they're men's pajamas shut up.
I am like two steps away from buying this milk frother which I feel like if I do proooooobably means I'm not moving at the end of the year? I dunno.