Emchap's Shit from the Internet 4/26/17 🍠
This last weekend I was on my way to a party (a friend's "I'm moving away please take my shit" party, which is a great party concept but also very sad, stop moving away and also I got a shitload of cooking oil!) and while I was on the bus, an old woman who was not otherwise acting unwell chucked her purse at a tween boy who was, as far as I could tell, minding his own business. There was a moment of group shocked silence, after which she gathered up her purse and continued to sit.
Though I object to the tactic, I do admire the self possession required to throw a bag at someone when you still have several more bus stops to go.
Unrelated, but I need to get this off my chest: oh my god how did none of you people tell me about Fleabag? It's on Amazon Prime for free and it's only six half hour episodes and it is the most perfect. It was also super weird to watch a show in which the sister relationship mirrored my own but also I'm definitely the older sister? So, there's that. Go watch it and then tell me what you think.
Shit to read
This piece on exercise and how it's marketed to women was super fascinating to me (though common sense, generally) and written in a friendly, approachable tone. I've been trying to exercise more for reasons like "oh god I am in clearly terrible physical shape, stupid garbage meatsack" and the recommend Jillian Michaels routine murdered me.
Here is a piece on underground abortion in the 70s. Happy Handmaid's Tale premiere day!
Speaking of, Elisabeth Moss is a Scientologist, and I liked this piece on her + her deffo harmful cult religion + her role as Offred (guys I am so excited about this miniseries that it is literally listed in my calendar, it is my entire evening's plans).
A friend referred to me as "squirrelfran" in a text the other day and then referred me to the source, this Jezebel piece on Thinx's PR emails (before the Recent Things) which I had somehow missed even though I'm like super squarely the target audience for this article. It made me cry laughing. Gonna slurp up some alch tonight, natch.
The Hairpin has never quite found its feet again totally after its Cliffe/Ortberg pre-Toast glory days, but it has done a good job of cornering vaguely absurdist internet humAlonor for ladies and this piece on goal weight is good.
Shit to eat
Read Live Alone and Like It again in the midst of a depressive spiral.
Seize this time on her advice to buy a tray, for eating in bed or on the couch.
Buy the tray.
Wait two days for Amazon Prime to ship it to you.
Slightly regret the purchase, as it is too large to comfortably fit on any part of the counter that isn't already occupied by something more useful, and you don't want to cover more of anything because you are in a constant, awful battle against roaches in this stupid garbage city.
Soldier on.
Make a savory dutch baby.
Cut it into sixths. Put a third of it on a plate.
Add some strawberries that you purchased from the nearby fruit market on your way home from work like a French person.
Got half an avocado that's about to go off? Put that shit on there too. It's a minimalist salad.
Place all of this + a La Croix + a glass of wine + a napkin + a fork on the tray. Take a photo because #millennial.
While eating your tray dinner on the couch, realize that this is, in fact, an improvement over your previous not-tray life.
Shit to listen to
There is nothing that I love quite so much as puns + raunch-ass songs, so this "Now and Later" thing that Spotify tossed me because of how much Pitbull I've been listening to (I am a Miami club rat in some corner of my soul??) is super fundamentally my jam. Every line is great.
Shit to buy
The yard of the hostel I stayed at in Miami was full of these chairs and I realize they're not really practical living room furniture but I want seven.
This sleep romper is maybe hot and definitely very stupid, so, go buy it if you're a small and have $16 to spare, because they're out of my size and I want one. (I own so much dumb sleepwear.)
I bought this cherry pitter today because I want to make this cherry almond dutch baby this weekend, so, join me in that journey.