Emchap's Shit from the Internet 3/29/17 🍠
I'm still sad and like idly contemplating moving to a cabin that overlooks a river as is my default state, but I give not a single fuck BECAUSE a) the weather is super sweet and I got to enjoy it because I left work right at 5, b) I wore that field jacket that I linked to a few letters ago and looked great? c) I finally have answers about Astro, Salesforce's weird raccoon-person mascot.
See, Astro is used all over SF marketing assets, which I see at work because I log in to Salesforce approximately eight thousand times a day. Astro appears to be a human child in a raccoon costume who sometimes wears a hoodie, and goes on adventures with a goat and a bear and sometimes Einstein driving a plane. I am obviously obsessed, because what the actual fuck, that's amazing. There's an iMessage sticker pack. Astro is clearly supposed to be a human child in a costume, but a coworker pointed out that there's nothing that indicates that Astro isn't a raccoon wearing a human mask.
Work has been slow this week and this morning Salesforce sent me a marketing email with an elaborate-ass animated gif of Astro, the bear, and the goat doing some sort of low-framerate dancing outside of Manhattan, so I asked Salesforce on Twitter. A friend went to investigate. I found Astro's creator (I think) and followed her on Twitter.
And finally: an answer. Sort of. Salesforce clearly wants me to believe Astro is human but didn't explicitly say that so who knows. But, more interestingly, Astro is nonbinary, and old marketing assets support that rather than it appearing to be a retcon, and that's actually pretty delightful, particularly for a large sales software company.
So that was my Wednesday.
Shit to read
This piece on an undocumented immigrant who died in 9/11 is sad and fascinating and has some interesting information on how people identify bodies after an event like that.
I like Megan Mullally so much and aspire to her marriage. She can sing, which is what this about, and which I did not know at all!
This short piece about parenting with a stroke ultimately winds up being about empathy and I liked it a lot.
I pay almost no attention to grown-up Vogue most of the time, but this mixed-media digital piece on Alpha Kappa Alpha is super cool and just like makes great use of the possibilities of online content.
Shit to eat
In a haze of sadness and poor planning, promise yourself you'll order Papa Johns if you spend the evening fighting with Squarespace about the fact that content blocks should be copyable but somehow in the year of our lord 2017 are not.
Hop onto the Papa John's website to do that. Ignore the part where it already knows your address even though you have never ordered Papa John's in New York.
Order a pan pizza.
Add a dessert cookie to your cart.
Remember you were told that Papa John's dessert is not great, remove it from cart.
Add nested cheese sticks instead.
Check RetailMeNot, find a 40% off coupon. Score.
Order.
Open up Squarespace documentation and a tab that has "squarespace how to" pre-populated into Google.
Realize an hour in that you have a missed call on your phone.
Call back. Decipher through a bad cell connection that the driver is outside and not offering to bring the pizza upstairs.
Put on slippers and dart outside in the rain.
Cautiously approach unmarked car with lights on.
Call. See a motion inside that is someone apparently picking up the phone after a weird delay.
Wander over to the driver seat, realize that the delay is related to the fact that the driver's girlfriend is also in the car, and elect not to ask questions.
Bring the pizza inside, balance it on your stomach like an otter, and eat half of it while watching 30 Rock because Riverdale apparently just like isn't airing this week?
Shit to listen to
I'm not kidding that Megan Mullally can sing. This video is weird and cool.
Shit to buy
A plane ticket home. I haven't gotten my shit together enough to do that, but maybe you will.
A dress covered in middle fingers.
Kate Spade is having a 25% off sale on its sale items. This is almost enough to make me want to buy this clutch I was looking at last week. (I am not fun, which is what makes the bag delightful.)
I'm eyeing this webinar on designing a five-year plan and this fancy af t-shirt, both of which are from the delightful store where I also made this jewelry this week.