Emchap's Shit From the Internet 1/1/17 🍠
Hi everyone.
Yeah? Yeah.
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Shit to read
My first/foremost recommendation is whatever the opposite of "Twitter at 2am" is. Anything else. Anything at all. Slack someone and ask them what animal in Redwall they would want to be. Stare into space. Hug a cat.
This article on "she sheds". Yes the name is stupid. But also, this article is soothing if you're the sort of person who read Charlotte's defense of her choices in Pride and Prejudice and thought "she gets her own parlor, that's not too bad." Who wants to move upstate with me and buy a big rambling house with witch sheds in the back and a bar in the basement and succulents just generally around?
Jolie Kerr's list of the cleaning products you need. I am in heavy depression-nesting mode. I want a clean nest. (I did a drain volcano this weekend! It was contained destruction and my tub drains now.)
10 Reasons Donald Glover was Right about Migos' "Bad and Boujee." There is nothing in the world I love so much as making fun of people from Gwinnett. Are you watching Atlanta? You should, it's amazing, the whole season is on Amazon.
Stretches for tight shoulders. In case you're maybe tense.
The bodies in the bogs. A man messaged me on OKCupid shortly after I moved to New York. He was living in Jersey, but reminded me that we had gone on a date in Atlanta two years previously. He knew it was me because I was the "girl who talked about bog bodies." Take from that what you will.
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Shit to eat
I don't know if you were aware but the world is maybe? Literally? On fire? Here is a smol recipe that you can cook in your kitchen, where the fire is only in the oven, where you want it:
Put half a stick of butter in a cast iron skillet or a 9x13 Pyrex or whatever else you have around.
Pop that shit in the oven at 425 degrees, or a little lower if you have a convection oven because #science.
In a big bowl, whisk four eggs together. Marvel at the fact that you changed how something looks, with your hands.
Add a generous half cup of flour. Keep whisking.
Sprinkle in some salt and some pepper. Preferably fresh ground, but you know, the salt that's in my pantry is from 2014 so, no judgement.
Whisk in half a cup of milk, pouring while also whisking. It's fun multitasking, like the brain teasers my elementary school teachers made us do in Tulsa.
Chop up some herbs. Scallions are good? So is dill, or cilantro if you're not one of the soap people. Whisk those in.
Take the skillet or the Pyrex or what have you out of the oven. Slosh the melted butter around. Make sure to get it on the sides.
Pour in the batter. Don't stir anything in, it doesn't make a difference.
Sprinkle grated cheese on top, at the level that speaks to you. (I have made both the "half cup" and "fuckton of cheddar" versions of this recipe. Both good.)
Pop it in the oven for 18 minutes.
Eat.
Things will be okay.
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Shit to listen to
I just bought a Google Home. It's connected to Spotify, and I can yell what I feel comfortable identifying as "the world's absolute dumbest shit" at it. Recently this strategy has yielded this bossanova playlist. A+ recommend, would make house robot play again. ****
Shit to buy
Do you have money you'd like to spend? I recommend these things.
This pineapple lamp from Target. Sure it's "made" for "children" but also... it's amazing?
This bonkers gold flatware set, also from Target. It's hella tacky and I love it. Plus after I described it a man hunted it down in an unrelated Target and sent me a Snapchat about it, which is my current favorite EXTRA DUMB use of an app intended for sending your junk to people.
The Encyclopedia of Trouble and Spaciousness. This is by Rebecca Solnit. I read a portion of it sitting at the bar of the Hotel Roosevelt in Los Angeles last year, and there was a description of the collapse of Detroit so lovely that it knocked me over.
Photo prints. Most photo printing sites suck. This one doesn't. And now even if I am very sad I can go stand in front of my fridge, and while I'm doing that, I get to see photos of people I love, and the moon, and the desert. Plus several of them are square prints from Instagram and that's very aesthetically satisfying.