Y'all I am running on goddamn fumes this week. I made a joke about upping my antidepressants in an all-team meeting today and it did not land because of how clearly ground down I am and I do not feel great about it. My grand-boss, who I adore and who is serving as my boss-boss this week while my normal one is out of town, sent me the loveliest note afterwords and I promptly burst into tears. I am having an extremely normal one.
Things are not all bad. Today I ordered Thai food for dinner, mostly as an excuse to get thai tea and use the reusable bubble tea straw (aka "large gauge metal tube") that I purchased last week. I saw friends to watch old Survivor episodes and did a digital happy hour with another friend who I have known for more than half my life at this point. I had a nice video chat date with a man who traded opinions about the worst energy drink flavors with me for an hour last night. (The answer is Bang! Birthday Cake.) A coworker who just recently bought his first house chatted with me about it and taught me how one removes popcorn ceilings. I am safe and it's not too hot.
But nonetheless things are hard right now. Work was totally disrupted by the layoffs and the weight of that has fallen heavily on my team. I am anxious about the next six months, the next year. I want to touch another human and not be worried about danger and I am still furious that my ex removed that option from me even if that's not really rational. The fucking fireworks in my neighborhood won't stop. My skin is bad presumably because my blood is just gelatinous cortisol at this point.
There's no way to wrap this up, really. I'm looking forward to a three-day weekend and turning off my phone and sleeping 20 hours and doing a face mask. If anyone has exciting inside plans for the 4th, I'd love to hear them.
Shit to read
The human brain was not built to handle constant, permeating knowledge of despair.
I love Lillian's financial reports, and particularly enjoyed this one about how hustle culture is bullshit.
I do not look forward to navigating this!
Written-out timeline of the Ortberg/Lavery fallout from a Menlo church member.
Oh this is a perfect treat of a piece on which to end Pride.
Horrifying COVID delirium.
I'm absolutely going to get baked and watched the stupid softcore Netflix movie at some point.
CAH has always sucked, people who were really into it in college and beyond were boring and gross, and the folks running the company seem to have just been awful.
A great and grim story about the life outcome of a Romanian orphan who received no tenderness in the first several years of his life.
Shit to eat
First, make this bread.
Separately, roast a chicken.
Thirdly, buy some artichoke spread at the liquor store.
When you need lunch, toast two slices of the bread.
Take the toast and pop some artichoke spread on one piece and mash a quarter of an avocado on the other.
Toss some Penzey's sandwich sprinkle on there.
Find whatever sad dried out bits of fontina are left in your fridge, tear off the usable pieces, and add those in.
Put some of the leftover chicken breast on there.
Assemble the sandwich.
Wrap the sandwich.
Cut the sandwich.
Enjoy the sandwich.
Shit to listen to
Lizzo. It'll help you get through the workday.
Shit to buy