Emchap's Shit from the Internet 05/6/20 🍠
I have been having a string of those days where I am tired tired tired for no clear reason. I don't do anything most of the day—I go to work, watch Mad Men, call my boyfriend, maybe cook dinner, go to bed by 11. But still, whatever combo of vitamin deficiency and heat and stress is running my internal systems is getting to me, and I spent an hour and a half this afternoon just completely passed out and bone tired. I walked into a friend's house and vacuumed a spider off her ceiling while she was at work, and it was honestly the most variation from routine that I'd had since coming back from the hospital.
I was chatting with a coworker today about her worries about possibly moving to Europe and having to go back to everything being slightly broken all the time because it is old, which I am absolutely familiar with from living in New York and LA. It's a privilege to be able to do so, of course, but I also always have in the back of my mind the knowledge that I could own my own house with central air in Atlanta if I wanted to, whereas here I'm paying a ton of rent to cobble together solutions to a house with a window unit and no insulation built for a time when LA didn't get to 92 degrees in May. (I love my stupid house and I'm grateful for it and I'm very sweaty right now.)
Normally, of course, the tradeoffs of what I do outside my house make it worth it, but in their absence I am finding myself piercingly jealous of my coworkers with their own houses in smaller cities, full of different places to ride out the pandemic rather than one couch that is slowly conforming to the shape of my ass.
Shit to read
I think this is honestly a fair point, particularly given that we seem to have data that shows that transmission is basically entirely indoors.
Alison Roman: a star, a queen, a distressed single woman.
I thought this was the most thoughtful review of the Amanda Palmer/Neil Gaiman Patreon split of any that I've read, and if any of you have gossip about this you have to tell me, it's the law.
Fuck this extremely.
This piece about abuse and Guy Fieri is a reminder that Guy Fieri is by all accounts a really solid dude.
Shit to eat
Order a french roll, a pound of mortadella, and a pound of provolone from the local grocery store.
When they are delivered, completely forget that they're what's in the package, and leave it sitting in your foyer for two hours.
Realize that you did in fact buy a bunch of deli meat and also frozen shrimp.
Calculate how much you're likely to die versus how much you want to not have wasted $20.
Into the fridge and freezer it goes.
When lunch comes around, slice and toast the french roll.
Mix up a mayo/mustard/rice vinegar sauce with a fork and a tiny bowl.
Spread the sauce onto the now-toasted bread.
Do you have a tomato that's about to rot? Perfect, slice and salt it, and put it on top of the sauce.
On top of that goes the mortadella. Crumple it up, because that's what a handsome man on the internet told you to do and you are a sheep.
Fold the provolone in half and put that on top
Top with second piece of bread. It's a sandwich, you know how sandwiches work.
Wrap the whole thing in parchment paper, like a little package.
This is also because of a handsome internet man.
Slice the package in half.
Enjoy your pleasant, much-less-messy sandwich on your couch.
Shit to listen to
The new Sweet Crude album is just great.
Shit to buy
Just go ham on nuts.com. The apple belts are good.