Emchap's Shit from the Internet 03/4/20 🍠
As I mentioned in the last newsletter, I spent last week in Portland. This was mostly full of Portland Activities (looking at scenic, damp nature; mistaking one bearded man at the supermarket for another; meeting beloved internet friends at a food court), but it also included a trip to Monster Jam, a cultural artifact that I had not experienced up until that time.
I mentioned I was going to one of my coworkers, a cheerful man who told me a story about driving his father in law's bulldozer last time we were together in person, and he told me to pack earplugs. He said it truly is something to see a car do a somersault.
It turns out he was very correct! Though I knew on an intellectual level it would be wild to see a very large truck do a gymnastics move, I can report that it is in fact REAL NEAT. Like, as someone who attended the event while a) intoxicated b) at a slight ironic distance, the immediate lizard brain part of my response was "truck go upside down!"
I had not realized prior to attending the event that the trucks have names, though of course they do, because this is pro wrestling but with trucks (and I guess less rigged events, though I truly have no idea and thought pro wrestling was real until I was like 15). I was personally rooting for Zombie, because the car had big zombie arms on it, and I thought that was great. The thing opened with a reminder that this sport was made in America, as if any other country on Earth was going to invent this.
There were two different dog-themed cars (surprising) and one The Troops themed one (less surprising, though Soldier of Fortune: Black Ops was perhaps not the name I was expecting). The whole thing was sponsored by Great Clips and Superglue. The unexpectedly large number of children at the event were enjoying snow cones served out of skulls with light-up eyes, and my stoned adult self 100% wanted one. I looked over at the person I was at the event with at one point and I swear to god he was just delightedly saying "trucks!" out loud.
It was, in short, a blast. The cheapest tickets were like $20, it was worth the money, and everyone should buy some earplugs and spend a Sunday, Sunday, Sunday watching cars do flips.
Shit to read
The moment my giant Nexplanon arm bruise heals, I'm going to the spa.
This piece on the millennial aesthetic was (I thought) just completely excellent. I write this sitting on a velvet couch in front of some jolie laide pottery next to a word print I need to hang back up.
The Gravity Payments guy is a skeeze, and the fact that he was paying people in Seattle $35k before doing this experiment is just infuriating.
Of interest to me as a former Tulsa resident and current remote worker.
I thought Emily Gould's writing about how being one of the first famous Gawker folks impacted her life was really, really good.
Shit to eat
Buy a rotisserie chicken. It will not feature super-prominently in this recipe, but they're always nice to have.
Also buy some pearl couscous, and some vegetables.
And some hummus.
When you are ready, toast a cup of couscous with some olive oil in a pot for a few minutes.
Add a cup and 1/4 of stock.
Simmer, cover, and cook for 10 minutes. Do not leave it on high because that's the only way you can get a simmer, because if your experience is like mine you will absolutely burn the shit out of some of the couscous that way.
Once that's done, take it off the heat, take the lid off, and fluff everything. Put some in a bowl.
On top of that, put the vegetables you bought. If they're the sort of vegetables you roast, I guess roast them first.
Add some of the hummus, and some of the chicken, and some parmesan if you like that and have some. I added some canned artichoke hearts I had bopping around in the pantry, and some cherry tomatoes.
Stir everything up. It's fine if the ingredients are different temperatures.
Eat on your couch, and feel vaguely virtuous. It's good.
Shit to listen to
This Dulcé Sloan set is fucking great.
I know "The Man" is basically "white feminism, the song", but I did like the video and thought the twist was clever.
I was concerned this Norwegian Reggaeton song was going to be bad at best and offensive at worst, but it is actually a fucking delight. (It includes a Spanish metal band, and everyone seems to be having a fucking blast.)
Shit to buy
It turns out pet hemp oil is bacon flavored, and that is very funny to me. (Wildly curious if it makes my cat less anxious.)