Emchap's Shit from the Internet 07/13/22 đ
Weâve gone back into the 80s and 90s here, which like, itâs summer, I get it, but I had forgotten somehow how sluggish and dumb and slow it makes me feel. I havenât been able to fall asleep for the last three nights, and I am running on fumes.
Given all of that, and the fact that the last mumble newsletters here have been a bummer, a list of things that have been good this week:
I ordered a California burrito for dinner and holy shit it is phenomenal. Obviously no California burrito is bad, itâs a burrito with fries in it, but this one in particular is on a great tortilla and grilled to perfection and just, mm. A real unexpected win.
The Centurylink tech came out to look at why my buildingâs buzzer has been broken for a month today (Centurylink: not even once), and he was able to fix the issue! When I asked if it was what he had expected when I showed him the phone box downstairs, he said âYes, and more!â When I asked what the fuck that meant, he shared that the box where the wire was on the telephone pole was apparently full of yellowjackets, which stung him. He said it happens a lot.
I finally bought tickets to a friendâs destination wedding, and the prices were insane because thatâs how American air travel is now, and the Alaska companion fare saved me like $400, and the wedding should be fun. I am excited to have some extra time on the beach, and especially so since my boyfriend basically locks his knees and goes rigid like a possum when exposed to the beach because thereâs not a clear activity to do, and I find that very funny.
I discovered that Tonymolly sells a moisturizer line in which the day cream packaging topper is a cat waking up, and the night cream packaging is a cat falling asleep:
I am finally getting my bench press to not, in technical terms, âsuch massive amounts of assâ, which has been satisfying. I asked my coach why theyâd given me bench variations literally every day of this block (normally it shows up once or twice a week, not three times) and the said, âbecause you need it,â which⊠valid.
This time tomorrow I will be on a plane to Palm Springs, where I will sit in the pool until I prune up and where I plan to bully my friend into taking me to buy a date shake, even though date shakes are absolutely something you can just⊠make? In your house.
Literally while I was typing this newsletter three naked cyclists rode by on Nike bikes. Saw some old man balls. The PDX naked bike ride isnât for another two weeks as far as I know. I am⊠calling that positive? Good for them.
So hey. Things arenât all miserable.
Shit to read
The fact that Vanity Fair published a âno, Armie Hammer isnât working at a resortâ piece and then just⊠updated the piece when it turned out he was is pretty funny to me. Fuck changing the URL.
Caroline Calloway absolutely wrote her own legal documents in her ongoing suit with her landlord, which is a sentence that will be delightful to you or make no sense at all, depending.
Loved this convo with Eve Ettinger in Talia Lavinâs newsletter about Christian extremism, in part because it introduced me to a new podcast and had an unexpected guest star moment from Robert Evans, who hosts Behind the Bastards, which I now listen to more than just about anything. (I used to refer to Deb Perelman of Smitten Kitchen fame as âour close personal friend Debâ with a friend of mine, and my boyfriend has taken to referring to Robert Evans as âour mutual pal Robâ, in case you were wondering what knowing me is like.)
We live in an irredeemable nightmare state with regards to a lot of things but particularly healthcare.
I have been unable to get my cat in to any local vets and have resorted to using a home visit vet startup (who are pretty great, actually, but cannot do teeth cleanings), and this article on the origins of the vet shortage made me deeply sad.
A twitter mutual has an ongoing Thing about how much American sunscreens suck, and sheâs right.
This piece on why pigeon nests look so shitty made me cry laughing, as did this piece ranking animals pretending to be dead.
Shit to eat
Having been made fun of by your father for how much beef youâre eating in an attempt to eat enough protein, purchase some canned tuna in oil.
In a glass pyrex, dump the tuna and its oil.
Add six pepperoncini, stemmed and sliced into thin bits. Consider what youâre going to use the rest of the large jar of them for, and put that to the side.
Slice off a hunk of a bunch of dill and chop it. In it goes.
Add two big squirts of the mustard you have in your fridge. The recipe calls for 2 kinds but you are one woman and you already bought the pepperoncini.
Turn on the broiler, dump a handful of olives onto a pan, and toast until they smell toasty and arenât burnt. Chop âem, toss âem in.
Add some lemon juice, or donât.
Eat on crackers.
(Adapted from my close personal friend Debâs tuna salad recipe, which is beneath the soup recipe, just keep scrolling.)
Shit to listen to
ASMR Twix is the only thing standing between me and losing it rn, so, enjoy some ASMR that feels mostly not creepy.
Shit to buy
That Tonymolly cat moisturizer is adorable. (As is the night cream and eye contour stick.)
They also have knockoff babyfoot, and âtis the season.